You can register by adding <a href="http://www.julietscloset.com.au/products-page/workshops/parent-workshops/raising-respectful-empowered-and-confident-tweens-workshop/">Raising Respectful and Empowered Tweens Workshop</a> to your cart and registering on checkout.

Where do you stand on the denim shorts debate? Are they a no-go or do you not even think twice?

My girls, aged 9 and 6, wear denim shorts because they are comfortable and they can do cartwheels in them. But I choose which ones we buy and wear. They fit well, don’t show any bum cheek and I monitor what they wear with them. Certainly no midriffs or long boots with them! (”Oh hahaha” I hear you say! “Wait till they’re teenagers!” Ahem, well, yes, I’m not there yet!)

So, how much influence can we have over our girls’ clothing choices and is there a point when we can become a little “control freakish” about it to the detriment of their feeling of choice and empowerment?

I think the easiest way to let them express their own fashion style is to let them have free reign when it comes to colour combinations and how they put an outfit together. If your girl puts on a purple sparkly top, green khaki pants and red shoes and feels great in it, I think this is the perfect time to say “Oh wow! I love your style!” You’re recognising that it looks great because she feels great. Remember when they were toddlers and we let them wear whatever they liked just so you could get out the door without a tantrum? I think a little lenience in this area goes a long way even as they get older.

As our kids move on from toddlerhood, we tend to involve ourselves more in their clothing choices to make sure things match or that they look nice. And, while there’s validity in that (particularly for special occasions), if they were able to choose for themselves when it doesn’t really matter, then we have the space to pull in the reins when it does matter. For example, if we are constantly dictating what they are wearing it may just all become “white noise”. Then, when we try to really lay down the law for those ultra-skimpy denim shorts, they may not listen to us as much because we’re always telling them what they wear.

Here’s something to ponder…If you were getting ready to go shopping and your daughter came out of her bedroom in an outfit that is totally mismatched but she loves, would you point out that the colours don’t really match, or could you go with the flow?

Do you think we should always have a say in their outfits? Or are you comfortable with them making the odd fashion faux pas in the interest of empowering them with their own choices? Could this help them to listen to us when we do try and pull on those reins?

We weren’t really sure how it would go, but were pleasantly surprised at how well our shop was received by the local community and beyond.

Word travelled pretty quickly that something ‘new’ was happening around the corner in the Lugarno shopping strip. We were lucky enough to move into an ex-photography studio – meaning beautiful white walls and floors and a bright and bubbly yellow and white striped feature wall, perfect to showcase our clothing and gifts.

A few of our favourite paper poms in the window display and vuala… we created a beautiful space for Juliet’s Closet!

Probably the most re-assuring thing we found by talking to our customers face to face, is that there really is an overwhelming demand for beautifully designed and made clothing that is APPROPRIATE for tween aged girls. We have searched near and far to find designers that meet this criteria and we can guarantee that nothing supplied in our store will compromise the girl’s self respect.

So what’s in store for Juliet’s Closet now?
Due to the success of the Pop Up Shop, we have decided to stay and open a Retail Shop supplying not only beautiful clothing, but gifts that will engage the girl’s creative and artistic talents. We are also super excited to announce that the space will be used to host our new Girl Empowerment Workshops and create a space for some High Tea Birthday Parties.

It has become overwhelmingly evident since starting Juliet’s Closet that we cannot build self esteem and confidence in young girls by simply providing the clothing. There needs to be a lot more done in order to change attitudes and opinions. Girls need to be encouraged to be part of a community like Juliet’s Closet, where they can role model from lots of different, positive, respectful, successful and happy women in the community. We will provide the space for this, including our Saturday afternoon meet ups. From 2pm – 5pm every Saturday, you are invited to bring your girls down to the shop, pull up a stool, grab a cuppa and learn or share your talents. It will be so much fun getting together to learn how to braid hair, knit a scarf, paint a picture and make the girls feel like they really are part of an empowering community.

Our wider online audience will not miss out either. We plan to package all of our live workshops into interactive online workshops that girls from all different locations can attend. We want our message to travel near and far!

If you want to keep up to date with all of our planned events at Juliet’s Closet, make sure you subscribe to our community.

We also celebrated our one year anniversary at the Pop Up Shop recently. Here are a few Instagram moments from the night…

There is probably no better time than the present to thank a few remarkable people who have worked tremendously hard at Juliet’s Closet. My family and friends have all been remarkable…My Mum in particular has worked tirelessly and invested many hours into our business. My husband and children have also inspired, encouraged and supported me to follow my dreams.

I also want to mention all the talented people behind Juliet’s Closet: Web Developer Jo Hunter from Inbound Web Solutions, Copywriter Rhonda Mackay, Graphic Designer Katie Sheehan and photographers Renee Bell from NFE Design and Kelly Vella – a big thank you to all for making my dream a reality.

xx

Here’s what we mean: if you are wearing a t-shirt with a slogan on it saying “It’s all about me”, then the message that the outsider might get is that you are self-centred and greedy. It doesn’t emphasise any of the positive qualities that you have within yourself. Would a slogan of “So many boys, so little time” give the message that you are an air-head that only cares about what boys think about you? Believe us; you have so much more to offer the world than just how “cute” you can look in the latest fashions!

So, while shopping or deciding what to wear, here are a few great things to remember:

1. Stay away from slogans on your clothing unless they are positive or empowering. Something like “Keep calm and carry on” or “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” are much better options than “Drama Queen” or “Out of Control” plastered across your shirt.
2. Listen to your mum when she says “that looks trashy”. She knows what she’s talking about and is there to help you – it’s her job to guide you so you don’t make a fool of yourself for sending yucky messages with your clothing.
3. Go for styles that suit your body shape and feel comfortable. Those denim shorts might be more comfortable and more suitable for your body in the next size up or a little bit longer. Really, no one needs to see that much of your legs!
4. Midriff tops might be great for the beach, but for every day wear, it’s not appropriate to show your belly when you walk down the street.
5. Ask yourself if you would be happy if your teacher/aunt/grandma saw you walking around in this piece of clothing?
6. Think “pretty, elegant and lovely” rather than “tight, short and trashy”
7. Also, think about the occasion you are trying to dress for; would you wear the same thing to your friend’s party as you would wear to your Nan’s birthday lunch? Make your choices fit both your personality and the occasion.

It hasn’t been easy but Megan has searched high and wide for designers that make appropriate clothing for girls. If you really are confused about what to wear, the clothes you choose at Juliet’s Closet will not only make you feel comfortable and confident amongst your friends, but they will be loved by your mum and grand mum too!!!

There are loads of fabulous clothes out there that are appropriate whilst still ticking all of the fashion boxes! You just need to use your detective skills and think about what you’re buying.

Happy shopping!

Rhonda xx

We love to learn about ways we can have a positive influence on our children and, with that in mind, we have been eagerly reading Steve Biddulph’s recent best-selling book “Raising Girls”. We have found it to be a useful and timely resource in helping us guide our daughters. So, we have decided to take some of his ideas and put them into practice for our own families.

We are proud (and excited!) to announce that this will come in the form of an online workshop for parents starting from 6^th May 2013! You can join us as we set about making these exciting changes in our own families via a set of four easy and interactive workshops during the month of May.

Our free eBook – Raising Respectful, Empowered and Confident Tweens will be available via subscription to our online community. Each of our easy but thought-provoking workshops is centred on a different theme, focusing on ways we can enrich our relationships and cement rituals and traditions for our families.

Starting with “Family Time”, then “Teaching our Kids Social Skills and Respect”, “Creative Spaces” and finally “A Sense of Fun!” our goal is to learn from ourselves and each other in this all-important role we have as parents.

An invitation will be sent to you as the date approaches giving you the instructions to sign on for access to the workshops and the weekly check-in sessions. We are so much looking forward to having you on board our journey!

Megan and Rhonda x

If not, I am glad you are hearing it now. There is something remarkably empowering about promoting strong positive role models, as opposed to the wafer-thin girls we are accustomed to seeing in magazines and music videos.

Why being skinny lowers your self-esteem!

Think about it – in order to achieve a wafer-thin, slim line figure you would have to deprive yourself constantly of all the good things life has to offer. (Unless of course you are part of the small percentage of the population naturally born that way).

I know, I have been there…. so now for a little confession of my own.

I am definitely not in the small percentage of the population who was born to be wafer-thin, but like most tween and teenage girls I always aspired to be. Who wouldn’t, when it appeared to be the skinny girls who were the most popular, well liked girls in our society?

I was actually overweight for most of my teenage years and it seemed the more I tried to be skinny – by depriving myself of food and situations that involved any sort of celebration with food – the more sad and depressed I became. Life wasn’t fair! Why could all of my friends eat whatever they wanted and look amazing and me….well I was starving most of the time!

My weight was ALWAYS on my mind and I tried all methods of dieting (or should I say deprivation) in order to achieve the image I had set for myself in my head.

Why being strong is empowering

More recently, as an adult, I discovered something called CrossFit, and whilst I am not about to go on a “let’s promote CrossFit” rampage, I will say, undeniably, that since starting this fitness regime, I have never felt stronger – not only in my body, but in my mind and my spirit! I have found what really makes me feel good about myself.

Any fitness regime or sport that promotes strong, healthy and glowing role models is an absolute winner. No longer do I deprive myself of food or get depressed by adopting an “it’s not fair” attitude – I can’t wait to get up each morning and fuel my body with the cleanest, healthiest food available, in order to make my muscles function to the best of  their ability! How empowering is that? I am in complete control!

Now let me introduce you to Camille Leblanc-Bazinet…

Camille is one of the world’s best female competitors in CrossFit. But that is not necessarily the reason why she is my role model – I absolutely adore her for the fact that she revels in the opportunity to be a positive role model for the next generation.

“CrossFit right now, the people that are changing this world of ‘fitness’, we are the model for the next generation,” she says. “This is our job to change the perspective of the younger people for what they would like to be when they grow up”.

Five things that being STRONG will help you accomplish…

1. The ability to set goals, put in hard work and achieve.
2. Self-belief and an “I CAN” attitude to life.
3. Recognition and respect by your peers because you had to work HARD to be STRONG.
4. An overwhelming feeling of goodness inside from fueling your body correctly and from the release of great endorphins from exercise.
5. A positive attitude and the addition of like-minded positive people to your circle of friends.

In a nutshell, being STRONG will empower you with confidence and self-esteem – something we can’t endorse enough at Juliet’s Closet. In comparison, aspiring to be skinny will leave you feeling empty, deprived and HUNGRY!

What do you think about being strong? Would you like to know more about exercise and recipes that will help you achieve this? Leave a comment or email me direct to let me know your thoughts.

Find out more about CrossFit here.

Here are some useful ways that I spend time online:

1. Managing the family budget
2. Reading the news (instead of having it on the tv for the kids to see)
3. Email
4. Looking up recipes/patterns
5. Keeping up with friends on Facebook
6. Researching holidays or how to fix things around the house

Now, here’s how I waste time online:

1. Looking at photos on Facebook of people I have never seen before
2. Checking and rechecking the weather radar before putting the washing out
3. Using Google to self-diagnose that headache (come on, we all do it!)
4. Obsessing over which potato peeler is the best buy on EBay

You get the idea!

Having access to all of this on our phones means we can get it all wherever we are. But this checking and re-checking can clutter our already busy minds with information, leaving little time for us to relax and just “be”. I decided to delete the Facebook App from my phone, and you know what? I’m still alive and functioning! I’m relishing the brain space that has come from that. No longer do I get all of the alerts on my phone when someone comments on a (highly amusing and well considered) post I have made. I just check it occasionally when I’m at home on my computer. It seems healthier for me.

So, why do you suppose we spend so much time online? Sometimes I feel like I need to be online to feel connected with the world. Maybe you can relate to that? What do you consider wasteful time online? Do we have an anxious need to make sure people haven’t forgotten about us? As Jerry Seinfeld once so wisely said “You’ve gotta give people a chance to miss you a little!”

It would be naive to think we could ban all access to social networks forever, but we can set very firm boundaries around their use. If we neglect to do this, we are basically allowing our offspring to be targets for cyber-bullying, as well as granting their peers greater influence than ourselves over their decisions.

The tween and teenage years are hard enough for both parents and children, but when you add to the mix social media and the extra peer pressure that comes from that, things can get volatile.

Many children lose their own identity when they join social networks. Teens feel under pressure to have the most “friends” and get the most “likes” every time they post. They will often make up things to make their lives seem fabulous and amazing, or will go to great lengths to make themselves look good – quite often posting bikini shots or pose in revealing clothing in order to impress their peers (particularly the opposite sex).

The average Australian teen spends up to four hours a day networking in cyberspace. Giving children access to computers and ipads for their learning can have a downside. Unlike television viewing where we can monitor what the children are watching whilst we go about finishing our own work, preparing the dinner or folding the washing – computer and ipad use is a lot more intimate and whilst we think our child may be on the device doing their homework, they may in fact be using it to social network.

The first thing we need to be aware of is what social networks our children are using. Listed below are some social media applications we believe are popular with tween and teenage children. Please remember that children as young as seven and eight are signing up, so make sure you take the time to check their ipad, ipod and smart phone devices.

Social Media Favoured By Children:

1. Instagram
2. Facebook
3. Kik
4. Viber
5. Tumblr
6. Keek
7. Twitter
8. Snapchat
9. Skype
10. Vine

Trust me, there are many more and you may be able to add them at the bottom of this blog in a comment. Some of these social media applications are purely instant messaging, but most allow pictures and now videos to be posted.

In order to keep your children safe on these networks, we strongly encourage you to adopt the same five key recommendations in our blog dedicated to Instagram here. Most importantly, ensure privacy settings are turned on. If the application doesn’t allow this, it should be banned!

If you feel your child is losing their identity, becoming increasingly agile, emotional, self -conscious, depressed and distracted; and you feel their exposure to social networking applications may be causing is – it’s ok to say NO!

I think as parents we sometimes feel we don’t want to disappoint our child or exclude them from things their friends are all part of, when as a parent, you have a every right to protect your child and establish firm boundaries.

Cyber Safety Boundaries

How can parents manage the issue of social networking -  allowing their children to fit in with their peers but still maintain a positive relationship and a level of influence over their decisions.

1. Don’t allow things to get out of hand – it is much harder to take away a privilege a teen has become accustomed to than not allow it in the first place. Be aware of the social networks and only allow access to the ones you are happy with.
2. Have control over the settings on your child’s device – you can change the settings on smart phones so there is no internet access and no permission to download apps. You can also make the settings password-protected so your child can’t simply change them back.
3. Limit the time children spend networking and the number of texts and phone calls they can make – modems can be switched off and devices collected after dinner. Set a good example and put your own device away, indicating electronic gadget free time is important.
4. Monitor carefully what your child is posting and who they are friends with – open your own account and request that you need to be included in the network or it will be banned.
5. Talk to your children about the risks associated with online networking – offer concrete examples of dangerous uses and encourage them to open up with you and share examples of unhealthy online activity.

Finally, reinforce to your child that it may be fun to pretend they are someone they are not through the online social media space, but ultimately, people and real friends want to know the real person. It is important for them to have the confidence to be themselves!

Of course, we love and care for our children the best we can, but sometimes things such as a parents’ illness, family turmoil or moving house can prevent us from meeting the emotional needs of our children adequately; an illness can greatly lower our ability to be patient and available to our children; a broken marriage takes an incredible toll on the emotions of the parents, leaving it hard to completely meet our child’s emotional needs. If a child feels that he/she is not heard and not attended to, anxiety and stress, (sometimes mistaken for “misbehavior”) can be the result.

Fortunately, it is never too late to mend family relationships and renew the connection between a parent and their child. And actually, the tween years is the perfect time to renew that relationship before the turmoil of the teenage years. So, what can we do if we realise that this relationship needs some rescuing?

Firstly, letting go of any guilt we may feel for our own inadequacies as parents is key for us to move on. (I’m speaking from experience here!) It can be so hard to recognise that we can change a few things in order to repair the relationship we have with our child.

Secondly, having faith in ourselves that we can change the dynamics in our family with tremendous benefits. If we accept that a secure relationship with a parent is a foundational element in the growth of a child’s self-esteem, then that alone is a powerful motivator to explore change.

Spending time alone with each of our children is a great way to start to get to know each other again and mend that bond. A child who is stressed or anxious due to “grown up’s issues” may not feel like they have a lot of control over what happens in their life. Giving them the choice of what to do for a day out alone with you can be a wonderful way for a child feeling empowered and valued. One idea is to ask your child what they would like to do for the day/hour that they have you all to themselves. That is, freedom to choose where to go, what to do and what to eat. They may make silly choices like icecream for lunch and bananas for dinner, but allowing them to do this shows them that

1. You really want to spend time with them, regardless of the activity and

2. That they feel a little bit of control in what may be an upheaval in their lives. (And, in my opinion, the child’s memory of “The day mum and I went ice skating, had icecream for lunch and bananas for dinner!” will be worth far more than any nutritional shortcomings from the day!)

Another example of a great repair activity is to play a game of “What’s your favourite?” Just take turns in asking each other about your favourite things. “What’s your favourite colour?” “What’s your favourite part of the day?” “What’s your favourite song?” Sure, they are simple questions, but they can provide a real insight to your child. Imagine how loved your child would feel if you then bought them a pencil case that is blue because that’s their new favourite colour (before you were sure it was purple!).

We all feel loved and validated when someone follows up on something we have said. What a lovely feeling for a child to have felt listened to and their preferences heard by their parent. Whether it’s an afternoon together or a simple question/answer conversation, these activities can be helpful for repairing family relationships, particularly after family turmoil.

Whether it’s SMS, Email, Facebook or other social media apps, using these technologies says a lot about us, how we respect others and how we wish to be respected. For example, imagine you have spent ages editing a really cute photo of your puppy on Instagram. A bit of cropping, some nice background softening and you’ve got yourself the perfect portrait of your little pup. You upload it to your profile and your friends respond with “Awww! How sweet!” or “Love your work!” or “I just want to cuddle him!” All pretty great things to read, right? Now, imagine if one of your “friends” commented with “What an ugly dog!” or “This picture sux! Why would you put that pathetic photo on your profile?” Makes you feel pretty rotten, doesn’t it?

Now, let’s have a look at the T.H.I.N.K. system. It stands for:

Is it True? Are we saying what is real or making up a rumour?

Is it Helpful? Are we being supportive?

Is it Inspiring? Will our comment motivate our friend?

Is it Necessary? Do we really need to say it?

Is it Kind? Perhaps the most important aspect to think about!

We all know we should think before we say something to someone’s face, and the same goes for what we type. Actually, shouldn’t we take this even more seriously? Once we’ve typed and sent it, it’s there for good. No deleting, no taking it back, and apologies may not make the cut once the damage is done.

What are your tips for being respectful online? Have you ever had something hurtful sent to you? How did that make you feel?

Please add to our Children and Social Media Forum.